We Never Took a Photo Together

I walked, rushing, someplace to be,

Sloppy sidewalks merciless on my trembling knees.

You behind me, accusing stares ahead.

And a thought occurred to me—

For all the secret stolen time,

Pilfered and nicked from things more academically relevant,

Never have we shared the immortal moment,

Preserved together, our smiles flashing.

Glossy paper, a digital screen, a facebook wall.

There’s something different here.

I struggled to pull open a heavy door,

Ascended the stairs to the second floor.

Winded, your words ringing in my ears,

Eyes, mouth, face, breasts, belly, I’m yours.

For a moment, a semester, a year.

Ephemeral, expeditious, blink and we’re gone,

But that doesn’t matter to me. I don’t need to show off,

Don’t need to be known or even thought of.

Don’t need to be public. Affectionate.

Acquaintances, Friends, Lovers.

Lovers. Friends. Acquaintances.

Depends on the situation.
I breathe for a moment,

Rest my hand on a cold-brushed doorknob,

Knowing my timing will tell them all they need to know:

I’m here. Sleep-mussed hair smells of something more than sleep.

Glassy eyes and glowing skin, flushed.

“Pic fun?” Message received Tue @ 9:17p

Of course I’ll oblige, imagining your eyes, glued to a tiny screen.

But never together, never familiar, never for all to see.

No one needs to see.

Fourteen judging gazes, some assume the worst,

And they’re right, but I’ll never admit my guilt.

Spread out, on display.

Pinched, pulled, caressed, seen.

Opened to you, to them, I’m vulnerable today.

And yesterday, too, clandestine words,

Yours as well as mine, to my surprise,

And finer words there never were.

In these moments, I know you.

More than your superficial friends.

More than your brothers.

More than the you on the outside.